Spirit
by The Crimson Wing
Summary: The depths of ones soul can be a very unwelcoming place. Gaara knows this from experience. [Teeny tiny Shonenai, LeeGaa]


Authors Note: Wai! This came to me during my language class while we were reading To Kill a Mockingbird. The idea is derived from 'Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace and something Atticus said…like I'd remember what ;x

Err…warnings… None really… Unless the idea of Shonen-Ai fluffiness disturbs you.

Disclaimer: Not. Mine. I'm not that intelligent.

**Spirit**

Drowning, that's all it could be compared to. Overwhelming waves of despair crashing over him, shoving him below the surface of a vast sea of pain and sadness that rolled madly with anger and hatred.

Sabaku no Gaara was staring into the depths of his own soul.

The mental image of his physical person stood silent on a tiny island, watching as his child form thrashed around in the water that wasn't water at all but foamy words, surging together as a liquid. His expression was tinged with regret as he watched the red hair dip beneath the emotional tides again and again. He could do nothing for the boy he once was, just as he couldn't save his current self.

Jade eyes slipped closed, a thing line furrowing with resignation between his brow ridges. He was alone and always would be there would be no changing that. He had no eternal rival to toss casual insults at during the day and curl up with at night, no loud mouthed blonde to insult unmercifully then claim as his own…

Nothing.

All he had was a heavy gourd of sand, a homicidal raccoon, and (if they counted) a wise ass for a brother and a sister whose fuse was even shorter then his own.

At one point he'd almost believed that there could be more, had almost trusted that maybe, just _possibly_, he could open up and not be rejected brutally for the monster tucked away inside of him. It was all a lie. Never again would he make that error; Sabaku no Gaara needed and loved only himself. Others only existed to give him a feeling of life.

Harsh wind bearing grains of sand raked along Gaara's skin and he opened his eyes once more. Where there had once been sea there lay now a desert, barren and devoid of life. A grim, but very placid smile spread over his features. This was more suiting to his life, to how his soul should appear.

Gaara turned to look around and was surprised at a mirror drifting into view. Kohl rimmed eyes shifted left to find another mirror, then right to another. Pale, sandstone lips pursed in annoyance, sand gathering to lash out at the obstruction.

Then he caught sight of his appearance. Shock widened jade orbs, which weren't jade at all anymore but a sickly golden yellow. Sand dripped off of his body, writhing and slithering with unrepressed living chakra.

'Monster.'

Furious, Gaara lashed out with a tidal wave of desert, sending mirror shards to scatter the ground like ice. Despair welled up inside of him, heavy like wet silk, to clash with the burning fury that glowed red like hot coals.

Alone. Feared. Hated. All for something he couldn't change.

Both hands fisted in his hair, knuckles white, and he dropped to his knees. A scream rose like hot bile in his throat, escaping in an explosion of sound. Sand hung like static in the air, the lazy spin it had retained during his thoughts whirling into a cyclone of fury.

"Gaara!"

A distant voice barely registered in his mind, sounding warped.

"Gaara-sama!"

That voice again, but louder now with an echo that persisted even in the emptiness of the desert. Stubbornly Gaara pushed it from his mind, letting out another anguished cry.

"GAARA-SAMA!"

A third time now, only this time he couldn't ignore it. A fist, fleshy, alive, and very real cracked against his jaw. The empty expanse of desert vanished, his scream died on his lips, and Sabaku no Gaara crashed back into reality to find himself sprawled on his back in the middle of a Sunagakure street, sand still hovering around him.

"Kazekage-sama?" Questioned a weary voice. Gaara looked up to see a sand battered, blood spattered Rock Lee staring at him, stuck in a stance that could probably kick right through his sand defenses.

"Lee," the red head in question responded in his usual stoic monotone. The sand dropped abruptly, slithering back to his gourd. As it did so he took time to ponder why he had flown into such a rage, but nothing clicked.

Almost immediately the Green Beast exploded with a cheerful, "Yosh!" that resonated through the deserted street. Lee dropped down beside Gaara and, as if entirely forgetting that the sand would _not_ be pleased, threw his arms around the smaller male. "I am glad you are all right," he murmured with relief.

The sand that had risen to spike Lee on contact with Gaara was repressed, its movements having almost a feeling of annoyance as it returned to the gourd once more. The Kazekage didn't return the impulsive embrace and this didn't seem to phase the leaf nin one bit.

Something was telling Gaara that things were out of place, but he couldn't recall what. That was irritating, and when Shukaku's container was irritated, that didn't bode well.

After a moment of silence it hit him. Any signs of being annoyed vanished to be replaced by a twinge of anger, veiling a strong hurt that could be much more deadly then any other emotion.

"Why are you still here?" Gaara growled. His ire rose, but he kept the sand under control. "You said you had to go back to Konoha."

A patient sigh escaped Lee's lips and he sat back on his heels, tilting his head to the left. "I do, but I could not just leave someone I love to be in pain," he noticed Gaara's flinch at the word 'love' and added, "I also wished to inform you of my next return date."

Gaara arched a non-existent brow and Lee, incapable of lying, went on slowly.

"And…I was afraid you might have hurt someone." Large black brows furrowed at the Kazekage's frown. "It is fine, Gaara-sama. You had enough control to allow the people to hide. No one was hurt."

"Except you," Gaara responded flatly. "Go, Lee, before I hurt you again," he instructed, gaze shifting to the side.

The redhead didn't look when the sand shifted until a hand caught his chin. Again his barrier was repressed as Lee loomed close.

"I will go, Gaara, but not because you told me to. I will go because I must. You can expect me to be back in about two weeks." The Green Beast smiled warmly and, for some reason he would never be able to explain, Gaara's cheeks burned red.

Then Lee brushed his lips delicately across the redheads in a not-quite kiss and stood, stretching a little before he bolted in the direction of the Suna gates. Face even more flushed (and inexplicably softened) Gaara only watched him go.

After a minute or so, when he was sure that his face wasn't going to explode from some sort of disease inflicted upon him when in the presence of Lee, the Kazekage stood up and started for the office. Jade eyes looked up when he felt eyes upon him and found a little girl, smiling down happily at him from a window.

Despite it all, Gaara gave a little smirk. Maybe he wasn't so alone.

-Owari-

That sentence could be taken two ways- Neji and Lee or Kakashi and Gai. … … … I'll admit it; it's Kakashi and Gai… YAY:3

Yes, they are OOC…but I suck at keeping characters…in…character o.O . And I love my Uke Gaara :B

I know 'first posted fics' should be well thought out, well planned with some sort of structure…but this is un-beta'd, not very well thought out, and done during a thirty minute period of class…Nyahaha. I hope you liked it anyway… Now I'm off to stalk Kankuro and Shino . 

-Crimson-


End file.
